Christen Those Crustaceans: Win $50

You didn’t hit your head. You read that correctly. In a random act of team-building it was decided during a recent lunch-run that Fresh Tilled Soil’s new Waltham offices were lacking. Needed just a little something extra definitely not available at Staples. Brainstorming began. We started at “stuffed plush mascot”, wound our way right through to “goldfish” and then finally settled on… wait for it now…

name-that-crab
Coenobita Clypeatus: The Caribbean Hermit Crab

Two of them, in fact. Complete with creepy, man-made, yellow kitty shells, a pimped out tank and lots of love. We’re not afraid to admit it: Fresh Tilled Soil’s Search Marketing Department loves their new crustacean dependents. They’re adorable in a shelled, prehistoric and faintly smelly sort of way. No need to take our word for it – here is a video from this morning of the larger of our little month-old friends emerging and then retreating into its Fisher-Price “My First Shell”…

We’re in a “pinch” and want you to “shell” us your crab name ideas!

As you’ve probably surmised by now, we’d like your help in naming them. Remember, there are two crabs in need of a moniker, so you can submit just one name or attempt to christen both. Leave your suggestions in the comments below and when we’ve got a good collection voting will be open to the public. First prize is a $50 Amazon gift certificate and may the luck of Neptune be with you all!

8 Clawsome Hermit Crab Facts

  1. They don’t breed in captivity. So there goes another value-add for visiting clients.
  2. Only experts can determine their gender. We’ll never know so don’t worry about basing your name submissions on a specific sex.
  3. A hermit crab with a purple claw can snap a pencil in half. Sounds like a girl I used to date.
  4. Hermit crabs are nocturnal. As if the cleaning staff didn’t hate us enough already.
  5. They can live 6 to 15 years. We’ll draw straws at FTS to see who pays for tuition.
  6. If hermit crabs are kept underwater too long they will drown. Like Natalie Wood. I think that’s why Christopher Walken isn’t allowed to have any.
  7. When hermits crabs get too big for their shells they move to another one. Note to self: Call TLC and pitch idea for a show called “Flip This Conch”.
  8. The relatives of hermit crabs are spiders and lobsters. Sounds like a girl I… oh, never mind. Submit your own crab name in the comments below!

For Your Inspiration – Our Hermit Crabs’ Very Own Gallery


Submit your entry in the comments below!

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26 Responses to “Christen Those Crustaceans: Win $50”

  1. Johnny Hopkins

    Shelly Winters. Sheldon. Basically something using the word "shell". Funny post, guys – good luck!

  2. jenniesmash

    Philboyd Studge and Herbie Weiner.

    OR:

    Eggley Bagelface and The Chicken

    (Please note: Some of those names are stolen. But I don't think the comic masterminds behind them will come after you.)
    My recent post B. A-N-A-N-A-S.

  3. [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by David Pye and David Pye, GoonBlog.com. GoonBlog.com said: Please Retweet! Name our office hermit crabs, win $50: http://bit.ly/4GFJFV [...]

  4. Nexus6

    i’d go with ‘shelly’ and ‘garlic butter’ because they are so cute and delicious!

  5. jpye

    I think they should be called Santa and Mrs. Claws! Hahahhaahaa

  6. David Pye

    I had one when I was a kid named Nipper. Obviously I was real imaginative.

  7. Nerdo

    Name them Comic Sans & Copperplate!

  8. Boots Lancaster

    "Shelly" – pretty obvious there. "Patty" in honour of the "Crabby Patty" from Spongebob Squarepants.

  9. Sean Carney

    Considering more people now know about these nameless crabs than about Leno returning to “the tonight show”, I propose you name them “Coco” and “Jay”

  10. Mark Brunelli

    In honor of my favorite movie, I think you should go with Cuff and Link. Or, in that same vein, Rocky and Rocky II.

  11. Chris Elizabeth

    Mr. Henry Falafal-giggle-chunks….and Tony,

  12. Whit C

    Obviously they should be called F. Lee Bailey and Abbie Hoffman, the only two famous Waltham residents I can think of.

  13. The Lady

    Fried Junkanoo Special

  14. David Pye

    - Sandy Bottom
    - Edward Scissorhands
    - Claw Baker
    - Stacey Beach
    - Crabbi Marshak
    - Pee Wee Hermit

  15. andy girl

    digglet

  16. wasteworktime

    gigglet

  17. Joanna

    Crusty and Clown
    Piña and Colada
    Stompin' Tom and Little Wawa

  18. Kat

    Fallyn or Francesca
    Also, Tiago, Tupac, or Tatum.

  19. mary

    houdini and hermione (hermi, for short)
    shelby and sheldon
    chompers and pinchers

  20. sean mcnamara

    Here come the puns….

    Miss Piggy and
    Hermit the Frog

    David Brent and
    Chris Pinch

    Starsky and
    Clutch

    Mr. Ferley and
    Jack Clipper

    Clip and
    Norm

    Ayla and
    Arianna

    (Mass. senator Scott Brown’s daughters – because they’re bound to get crabs after their Dad just declared them available!)

  21. Kate

    'No. 9' and 'No Substitutions'

    or Phineas and Ferb (because they are the funniest kids cartoon on these days)

  22. Kate

    Kyoke and Nishibi (sunrise and sunset in Japanese)
    Magical Alice and Mischief Jane
    Number 1 and Number 2
    Pinky and The Brain
    Ren and Stimpy
    Tequila and Taco ("Tic n Tac")
    Axel and Slash
    Boris and Natasha

  23. Kate L

    Kaiser (aka King) Crab and call the other one Dave (hermit). Booya.

  24. @bunnylvr

    One has to be Louie, right? As in Crab Louie. I like the Kaiser one, too… or Elvis, to go with the King idea.

  25. Taz

    Buster 'Flash' Krabb…?

  26. @bunnylvr

    Crab Louie, definitely for one of them. It was apparently named after King Louis XIV, so you could continue the King theme with something like Kate L.'s suggestion of Kaiser or something along those lines… maybe Elvis or BB.

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